The World’s Premier Barbershop

I can only encourage the young, for whom there is no hope. I put a penny in a barrel everyday my whole life – now I give it to the kid getting his first haircut. I used to believe I was a barber; do the young believe that’s a real red horse they sit on? Do they think a handheld mirror lets one see behind his head? My how heavenly blue the jar of Barbercide. It was only a matter of time before I drank a little, and now I lay here waiting for death. Here is my savings, dear children. Go, play while you can; drop it from a skyscraper into the busy street below. The god of barbers will be along with his many hands to sweep everything that’s lost down your shirt.